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User blog:Awesomesix/Top 10 Harshest ERB Disses
Every now and then, we get a line that's epic as hell. The ones that make you go "OHHHHHHHHHHHH" like Watson (hopefully not walking through a pole, though.). They're just so cool, and awesome. But... I don't mean those lines. I don't mean the "kiss my ass, Frank." lines. I mean the lines that are batshit brutal. The ones that make you go "Holy shit, did they just say that?" And the answer is yes, they went there. So here we go, the Top Ten Harshest Disses in ERB. Credit to Bantha, Wonder, Jella, GG for help. #10 #10: Michael Jordan hits the balls out of the park Here's the line if you don't know. "Now you double dribble balls that nobody can see." Let's start it off with a good ol' Parkinson's joke, shall we? Michael Jordan vs Muhammad Ali is no fisticuff, it's rather chill for the most part. But this line is bit more touchy. I mean, you're making fun of their dick size and their inability to control themselves from shaking? Kinda cruel, dude. Is this line very dark? No. Harsh? Eh. I just didn't wanna half-ass this list with random filler lines. #9 #9: Genghis Khan's bunny fetish If there's one thing you remember about this battle, it's the fact that the god damn Easter Bunny faced off against the ruthless Genghis Khan. And also maybe this set of lines: "I'll cut off your tail, and punch your teeth down your throat. And butcher your family, then make a new coat?" So, he's saying this to a rabbit, yes. The Easter Bunny, yes. But still, one image you don't want of a BUNNY is it's teeth being shoved down its own throat, causing it to bleed and choke on its own fucking teeth while the poor thing's tail is cut off, leaving its butt bleeding as well. Then, a whole bunch MORE bunnies being skinned and butchered just so some fat Asian can stay warm while pillaging and raping. Now, add in the fact that the Easter Bunny here is some furry fetish man and you've got yourself someone's sick nightmares or fantasies. #8 #8: Can't Walker That Off Walter White vs Rick Grimes is an alright battle, I guess. I have no ill towards it, but this line is kinda cruel. "No one saw Shane coming, except for your wife." Double entendre in a diss about someone's dead spouse and best friend. Where Rick just said "lol die pls" in an eh fashion, Walter insults not only the loss of Rick's loved one, but also the loss of an old friend who his wife cheated on him with and then Shane turned evil. If that's not cruel, then I don't know what is. #7 #7: Babe Ruth-less As much as I loved Lance, I still think Babe Ruth's last line was a bit too great. In an underrated battle, this line alone deserves more credit: "You're out! Three strikes, and just one ball!" Lance has only one testicle due to cancer, and Ruth just decides "lol baseball has a thing called a ball let's make a dick joke" and it's a sting. I mean, a man's biggest concern is his crotch, so insulting the fact he is inferior where it counts is a guaranteed burn, but this takes it to a whole new level. #6 #6: Romeo and Crueliet Being the young age she is, Juliet's bound to be less sensitive with her disses, and by sure this one kinda goes a bit too far: "You'll get an ass ripping worse than your boyfriend's in prison." Let's step back a bit and read into this, first. We have "ass ripping" and "in prison" in this line together, so... rape joke? That's kind of what that is, and the fact it's just passed over makes it a bit more insulting. Like, they just casually acknowledge it, I guess cause making a rape joke to end a verse is a bit in poor taste. And calling it an ass ripping is a bit too unpleasant. I knew Romeo and Juliet were immature, but this is just being a brat to the extreme. Also, for the record, Blackbeard assures Capone he won't get raped, not that he will. #5 #5: You Came to the Wrong Neighborhood, Motherfucker Throughout ERB, we've gotten countless death threats. Empty threats, sure, but still threats. Making their family cry, turning them purple, you get the gist. However, I feel sometimes we get that character who decided they'd rather leave their victim to suffer. And that person is none other than Mr. Rogers. "I hope you don't mind if I change my shoes, I'll be rocking sneakers til this battle's over. SO I don't get blood from your ugly face on my penny loafers." What exactly about this is harsh, you ask? He just wants to change his shoes. Yeah, after stomping Mr. T in the face. It's not the fact he's going to hurt Mr. T, it's the fact he is going to do it as Mr. Rogers and he expects blood. From his face. On his shoes. I mean, he could have said "So I don't get dust from stomping you" or something, but no, Mr. Rogers is going to possibly stomp Mr. T in the face and cause him to start bleeding. Forget his last line, this right here is OOC. #4 #4: Einstein is a Dick to Hawking Do I need to post these lines? Just go read Einstein's verse. He calls out Hawking only on the fact he can't stand and he can't talk. Like, that's some pretty fucked up things to say. And he says it like one of those stereotypical PSA bullies. "So take a seat, Steve- Oh, I see you've brought your own!" Like god damn, be a bit nicer. And it would be a bit more fine if he could say more than that, but it's present in both verses and neither lines are that clever; both of them are just immature "I CAN STAND YOU CAN'T" lines. So Einstein, shut up. Before he runs over your feet. He will. #3 #3: Super Saiyan some Dark Shit, Goku Okay, who wasn't expecting this line? It's probably the most quoted of them, by far. "There's only one way that this battle's gonna end; One more Superman who's never gonna walk again!" Christopher Reeves was paralyzed, for those who don't get it, which I'm sure you do. And Goku practically admits he'll paralyze Superman. Like holy crap, that's a bit harsh. And of course it's his ending line at the last verse of the battle, so Superman isn't able to top him. We just end with a killer line in one of my favorite battles. #2 #2: Miss Diss Respectful This one is from my favorite female battle, Cleopatra vs Marilyn Monroe, which is actually quite great. So everyone says Cleopatra one because "stomach hawttttt", but then there's this: "You lost so many babies, we should call you Miss Carriage" One of the worst things a woman, no, scratch that, a family could have is a miscarriage. Like, you put all that effort into raising a child, and then you find out it died. Naturally, you'd be upset. Or in Cleopatra's case, be able to lay down one of the most vile disses in ERB history. It's cold, offensive, yet clever enough to get number 2. But, what's worse than a joke about someone's failures on creating life? HONORABLE MENTIONS These almost made it, but eh. Clint Eastwood- "No one in your family ever lives to see a sequel." I don't understand how this one is that dark, and I was going to put it on here, but I couldn't justify it. Batman- "You'll die alone with no friends except that needle in your arm." Again, couldn't justify. Frank Sinatra- "You played butthole roulette, and you last the draw!" Sex and AIDS jokes! Adolf Hitler's jokes Eh... I felt putting them on here would be a bit confusing, but believe me, I feel these would be #1.5. In fact, let's talk about them a bit because they can't be passed up on. "You stink Vader, your style smells something sour. You need to wash up dog, here, step in my shower!" "You look stressed Vader, you appear to be in pain! You need a vacation, here, take a trip on my train!" "So I baked you something, here. Pop into my oven!" All of them are Holocaust jokes, and they are god awful. But honestly, I feel putting them in one spot together would be a bit odd. Hulk Hogan- "You look like Sonic the Hedgehog's mother!" Who wants to be called the mother of THAT? But, now, for #1: #1 #1: ...a suicide joke. Now, some things are a bit too awful to joke about. Rape, paralyzed people, someone's child dying inside them, but one subject usually universally agreed on to be in really poor taste of jokes is suicide. Because it's a tragic and awful thing, and yeah. So, who is the culprit of this? Darth fucking Vader. "And when your bunker started getting fired up, You put a gun in your mouth and fired up!" You see, if it wasn't Adolf Hitler he was talking about, I think more people would despise it. But since it's Hitler, I guess it gets a free pass? I don't know, I like this battle, but if you want to be serious, this line is a bit uncalled for and awful. But, it's a battle of villains, so what do you expect? And with that, I am done. Leave your thoughts down below, and feel free to make your own list. I'm sure I forgot something, but this is off the top of my head after a binge watch. How accurate would you say this is? Very Close 50/50 Not so accurate Completely inaccurate Should I do more ERB Top Tens? Yes No If so, what next? Top Ten Most Important ERBs Top Ten History Must-Haves ERB Used Top Ten Biggest Suggestions Tackled Other (suggest in comments) Category:Blog posts